Sunday, November 18, 2007

who are you.... for this am i.

Friday, 5:30 a.m.
11/16/07

we shook hands
maybe thats when it began
if i woulda know
i wouldve ran.

do you really want me
what is it you want to see
damaged and dirty
thats all thats left of me...

shame and guilt
haunt my days and my dreams
dont love me
my nights are filled with cries and screams

dont look to deep
dont stare into my eyes
dont hold my hand
dont pursue my lies

see my scars
the slashed lines that wont dissapear
the comfort i hid behind
for so many years

my dark corner
where i sit alone
keeps me safe
not to hurt, as i am prone

if i dont love you
you will never break my heart
if i dont open myself to you
i wont miss you when we part

please stay away
dont see the ugliness that is me
dont, please dont want me
i beg, i plea

though i long for your touch
and when i dream of that special place
i dream lovers passion
i dream of your embrace

to hold you
caress you
to make the pain you hold go away
the wall even you grew

my heart is protected
i know so is yours
please please please go away
we cant reckon with this force

i am so scared
afraid you will see it all
you will see behind this facade
i am faded, broken and small

oh, but i am torn
dazed, i think of your chest
i hope and wish
of your lips upon my breast

i tingle, my toes curl
i fade away
and come back
when i realize you cant stay

dont tell me you want me
i want you so bad
but i cant give you happiness
as i have long gone mad

i write, my words are stilted and broken
as my past tortures and flaunts, i'm confused
can i expose the shit that i truly am
can the consequence i caused ever be excused

i am a sinner
i am a liar
i am a whore
yet you i desire

see-saw in my head
mush in my brain
i've kept you all away
i dont want to kill again

i am so torn
i want you to ravish me
please dont desire
the dirt that is me.

5 comments:

  1. Oh God!!! Speechless, Chaim Sheli…
    I know when you wrote this; correct me if I'm wrong!!!
    LOOOOOOOOOOOOOVE YOU FOR WHAT U R!!!!

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  2. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H84NrdRA8oo

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  3. I build walls, a fortress deep and mighty, that none may penetrate.

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  4. Can acceptance crumble the mighty wall?
    Can love make disappear the guilt?
    I am who I am, yet you stay...

    P.s. Dear Annonymous,
    Do you ever sleep?

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  5. I sleep sometimes, when I shouldn't be sleeping mostly. The rest of the time my mind is wrought with unanswerable questions that I desperately seek the answers to in vane. Oddly enough, I have happened upon some pieces that seem to fit! Though, they may well just resemble the puzzle and be completely out of place.

    ReplyDelete