Tuesday, February 19, 2008

Forgive...

Please Please Forgive Me

Forgive....

My past
haunts
devours
the inside of my bare soul.
Seems all I was ever
capable of
was hurting you
the only one
who gave a damn....

i cant sleep
i drag my feet
the consequences of my actions
wont let me be...

everything I ever touched
was poisened
by me
by my actions...

i am haunted
i am punished
i am still alone

yet I beg for forgiveness
selfish am i
if forgiveness
i wont grant myself...

vowing silence
i swore
i would never hurt again...
hence
an oath of loneliness
i implanted within myself
fearing the pain
i would spread unto you
again
as i have done
to you
to me
like a goddamn disease
that wont go away.

yet love comes
knocking on my door
threatening;
breaking down the walls
that i have built.
i want to love
that love that's so strong
the bond that holds us together...

you love me so much
as i do you
i promise to
never let go of the chain
that shackles us
with joy

but can i?

can i ask for your forgiveness?
can i ask myself for forgiveness?
i wronged you
i wronged me.

forgive me

23 comments:

  1. Are you looking for forgiveness from him - or is it that you need to forgive yourself.........

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  2. What did you do now?
    I know you say your writing's got nothing to do with your personal life... but come on!!!!!!!!!

    nomatter what you do I love you!!!!

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  3. You can only ask for forgiveness or grant it when you accept and acknowledge the wrong you have already done and work towards not letting it happen again... acceptance and peace may and hopefully will come after that...

    powerful writting...

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  4. amazing writing, very powerful.i can relate, forgiving onself is very hard and we can change the past. we have no choice but to live with our shit.
    dont let your past write your future.

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  5. Through strife the slumbering soul awakes,
    We learn on error's troubled route
    The truths we could not prize without
    The sorrow of our sad mistakes.


    Very powerful as always..Your writing awakens shit in me lol.

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  6. hey all of you...

    whew, what a day after a sleepless night...

    Tinker... i think its the self hatred when realizing how much change has happened (only stressing how bad things WERE) makes self analyzation even harder to accept and instead of forgiving, its now a tougher hurdle to get over the past... definitely cannot forgive ME. and every once in a while that demon comes a'knockin and does it, kicks it all up....

    ... and BR, NOOOOOO, lol - i did not do ANYTHING this time!!! i'm not ALWAYS getting into trouble...


    GXC, Fan and GG,

    Gems, your comments, = all of you...

    i dont know what it is... things are really copacetic in life, but these poems hit me, they just flow - i dont ponder them, the words fall...

    thoughts????

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  7. Oh My God do I love you!!!!!!!!!!!
    I didn't even say anything about the poem... well the world is all about forgiveness... we make mistakes and then we ask for forgiveness, but if you don't/can't forgive yourself, how do you expect others to forgive you?!
    not talking to you F&L in person, it's just a thought, but yah it's so hard to forgive ourselves.. but we gotta loosen up, life's not that long and we can't afford that hart ache.
    so friends, lets forget & forgive!!!

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  8. i know what you mean J.D. i get the whole self hatred thing every now and again.

    but it passes and i get on with life until the next time.

    we cant all be angels all the time.

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  9. not being able to forgive ourselves comes very often, because we rather justify ourselves, when we really know we cant.

    jd, very well written.

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  10. This comment has been removed by the author.

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  11. jd-
    wow. that was amazing. i am always so impressed with your writing.

    dupree.

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  12. belze,

    the post is about forgiving yourself, not forgiving others. whether to forgive others before or after you take revenge, needs a whole new post.

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  13. This comment has been removed by the author.

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  14. belze shagats you talk about revenge as a means of getting even sorry pal you never get even because the person seeking revenge is always the looser and the other party is the winner. revenge is a short cut to self destruct, A person seeking revenge must be very angry not at the person he seeks revenge but at himself, blames every body and feels every body owes him everything because poor me is hurting and does not know how to deal with it because he never dealt with him problams and does not allow himself to feel.
    Yes this is about forgiving yourself and only yourself then you could go forward,from your post it sound like you are very much in the past.

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  15. beautiful!! beautiful!!
    full of emotions,
    very powerful
    love reading your blog

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  16. Hello all...

    Its all very complicated and here's why i think the reason is:

    Each person interprets their emotions differently... I.e. - BShy, I saw you removed your comments... You see forgiveness in the gray area of revenge, Tinker - you work on getting over being "devils" and moving on... Forgiveness is the result of an action, which is based on an emotion... Each person has individual feelings - which they own. Nobody can take it away from them... Unfortunately for me - as you GXC said, dont let my past write my future - I try not to, but so often a trigger comes along, even in the sound of a tune, a scene in a movie or a scent in the breeze that takes me back so strongly to places where I dont want to be, seeing people i dont ever want to see and making me feel like the person I was... And then the dark side in my brain emerges, and I have to fight when it tells me, "the person you were??? its the person you are!!!"... Yes, I can forget and i mostly do - but forgive, no I still cannot...

    I do love every one of your comments... I love to hear everyone's voice, and see that we are all the same humans, cut from the same cloth, yet of different materials, designs and colors and styles...

    You guys are great......

    hugz,

    JD

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  17. Hello all...

    Its all very complicated and here's why i think the reason is:

    Each person interprets their emotions differently... I.e. - BShy, I saw you removed your comments... You see forgiveness in the gray area of revenge, Tinker - you work on getting over being "devils" and moving on... Forgiveness is the result of an action, which is based on an emotion... Each person has individual feelings - which they own. Nobody can take it away from them... Unfortunately for me - as you GXC said, dont let my past write my future - I try not to, but so often a trigger comes along, even in the sound of a tune, a scene in a movie or a scent in the breeze that takes me back so strongly to places where I dont want to be, seeing people i dont ever want to see and making me feel like the person I was... And then the dark side in my brain emerges, and I have to fight when it tells me, "the person you were??? its the person you are!!!"... Yes, I can forget and i mostly do - but forgive, no I still cannot...

    I do love every one of your comments... I love to hear everyone's voice, and see that we are all the same humans, cut from the same cloth, yet of different materials, designs and colors and styles...

    You guys are great......

    hugz,

    JD

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  18. your past wont stop to haunt you, but its up to you NOW to find meaning in your past, not just to search for the good moments and ignore the pain, rather think of how by enduring the pain, you shaped the beautiful self you are today.

    p.s. i have no idea what your past is, and it makes no difference.

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  19. JD, now is the time to let the past be, because you are getting a second chance this Monday. so start the fresh page without any regrets.

    May you and your choson be zoche to build a bayis neman byisrael. (with no regrets)

    xoxox

    Guess who?

    :P

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  20. this writing is really strong. creative. makes one think.

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  21. HB15 -

    Thank you for your kind words.

    JD

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  22. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9cDpbeTly9M

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