Gasping, I moan from my depth...
And I hear the music.
The rhythm of the crashing waves
Beat to the tune of my heartbeat.
My senses go numb.
I am flying...
Or am I dead.
I am an eagle. I think I can see it all. My wings spread, I soar through the magnificent sky. But am I really not blind? I try to take it all in, and make my flight count. But wings are only that strong. How far can my wings take me? And when will I fall? The ledge, the precipice is always an inch behind me.
Wherever I go, I see you. I see you all. You won't let me go. Or is it me? I bid farewell long, long ago, took my last bow - yet you are everywhere. I wish to remember, but I can only forget. Perhaps that is why I have a perpetual need to keep you right here. Here, where you can hurt me more. Where you can assault my senses of violent memories.
I am addicted. Addiction is the air I breathe. Then how am I alive? The only way I can forgive my dirty self is the penance of shedding my own blood. Ah, I'm a sinner.
All that slips away. As time goes on it all becomes a haunting memory of yesteryear. I am afraid to forget. I need to see the ugly truth now and always. If I do not remember the horror, the pain, the fear of it all - what will become of me? Will I still be me?
So dangerous to forget.
I am scared. Perhaps it has been the realization of stability which frightens me of how close I always am...
To having my wings gone.
10 months ago